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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:15
最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:15
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
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Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 22:43
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